Quotes 2014
As per usual, chaps, please enter your quotes into the right section. If anybody would get the joke, stick it into 'General Interest'; if only you and a group of friends would get it, pop it into 'In-Jokes'. TalesOfTheQuad.wikia.com would like to remind you to ACTUALLY FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS ABOVE PLEASE. Some quotes which make no sense to the general population have been moved to the In-Jokes section, in the faint hopes that they make sense to SOMEBODY. Likewise, only in-jokes should be put in the in-jokes section. Add in quotes under whichever titles you think it fits. If you need to make a new subheading, e.g for a specific class, please use Heading 4 as otherwise the contents system will screw up. Session 1 Forensic Archaeology "It makes the end of a sentence go BOOM!"- Oisin Architecture "That's what you get for wearing socks and sandals"- Instructor Emma "Like a mix between a cheese fondue and a black hole"-Creepy DVD "Would you like to stroke my sink, Kevin?"- Grand Designs "Why go across town when you can go across the hallway?"- Who said that again? -to woman on Grand Designs- "Cool story babe, now get back in the kitchen and make me a chicken dinner" -Alice -points to end of andrew's pen- "It's a hamster masturbation device" -Hailey Computer Gaming "Lynch Caoin!" - everyone "______ is op, please nerf !" - everyone "General what?" "General Waste." -Alex Criminology "Why would you touch me?" -Alannah, after Ken had rubbed her back to get her attention "Well mush?" -Ken "You're a gentlewoman." -Ken to Emily "What's with everyone thinking I'm a lesbian?" -Siobhán "The fat bastard did well for himself, didn't he?" -Ken, about his girlfriend "You can say my name, you don't have to touch me." -Alannah to Ken "Your deodorant smells like beautiful women." -Ken to Alannah "It actually suits you." -Ken, after putting a flat cap on Kellie's head "I'm from Birr, I can be as racist as I like." -Ken "Get that towel off me, really fast." -Alannah; "I'm going to, really slowly." -Ken "Ahhh no." -Liam "Torture them... use many tortures... any torture... all torture." -Mohammed "Let the children roam free." - Kellie "If you have the demon child." -Alan "The RA's are dry this year... drier than an Ethiopian well." -Ken "No assaults in the classroom." -Emily "Me and God are tight dog, homies!" -Ken "I NEED EMANNUEL, where is he?" -Alannah "What are gremlins?" -Alanna "I'm going to lick your face and you won't expect it." -Marnie to Kris "Vicious Cycle." -Edel's favourite quote "They only plough in shtraight lines in Offaly." -Ken "Is there any gay people in Offaly?" -Alanna; "Maybe." -Ken "Does a caterpillar murder a butterfly?" -Kris "Lads, I have screenshotted so many Hitler quotes today." -Ken "Do you think if I jumped I would freeze my childhood forever?" -Cormac "Jesus could walk on water, we can walk on cucumbers. Cucumbers are 95% water, therefore we are 95% Jesus." -Ken "You know what, I should go out and smoke some weed." -Kellie "Arts are very... vegetarian." -Liam "Think how SHIT life would be, if you never heard the words, 'I love you'." -Ken "I oiled you up." -Alannah to Mark "Can you stop feeling me?" -Marnie to Ken "Don't steal me." -Alannah "The reek of crime." -Kris "Mark? Stop dressing Alannah!" -Edel "Would society be better if we were all Kellies?" -Marnie "Romance novels are terrible, they never have a relationship where a twenty year old girl falls for a fifteen year old boy, it's always two people of the same age falling for each other." -Alannah "Mark you're like a less majestic giraffe." -Siobhán; "I AM MAJESTIC!" -Mark "Is that your baton in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?" -Grace "KENNETH! KENNETH! I WORKED SO HARD ON THAT SPOON!" -Sandra "Slut drop your way to a brighter future." -Siobhán to Kellie "This is why I'm spellcheck and you're not." -Kellie to Siobhán "You scream puberty." -Alannah to Mark Cormac:"Move over Siobhán, you're in the way." Siobhán:"Cormac your life is in my way" Cormac:"Getting philosophical now are we?" "That was a nervous lol." -Ken "They're hipping and they're hopping." -Caroline "What kind of machines do you women have?" -Cormac "Whiskey princess why you do dis?" -Mark "You are all my special children." -Ken "You don't even look like a Mulcahy." -Marnie to Kris "One Garda, two nGaaaaaaardaí" -Everyone "Kenny, stop feeling people up." -Siobhán "Don't touch me. Or my mom." -Alannah, to Ken at closing ceremony "No killy-killy, no hurty-hurty, no stealy-stealy. If in doubt - the Bible." -Ken "I don't want to let the Pakistanis in." -Alanna "No one knows what happens in that cocoon..." -Kris Cutting Edge Science "Keep her well watered" - Matthew "I lost my virginity to a caramel shortbread" Darragh "AWWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHH" - everyone in andrey and roisin's direction "Invisibility cloaks. INVISIBILITY CLOAKS!" - Kevin Fletcher "You can say the words "Dinosaur radiation" in a scientific environment and NOT be laughed at?" -Kevin Fletcher "Mighty Eagle Spirit Mission" - The Americans "Supreme Leprechaun Potato Quest" - Us "Mighty Supreme Eagleprechaun Mission Quest Potato. Compromise is key" - Tuan Wadding-Hayes "GREETINGS, PEASANTS OF SOUTH CANADA" - Eoin O'Donnell, introducing himself to The Americans "I think the only group of people you managed NOT to offends was the gays" - Stuart (Instructor) "Astroboy!" - Seani "No!" - Everyone else Seani:"We've solved all of our problems. All we need to do is legalise cocaine." Kevin Fletcher on behalf of (fake) South Africa: "South Africa declares that they will legalise cocaine" (fake) Ireland"Ireland declares that they will legalise cocaine" (fake) South Korea "South Korea declares that they will legalise cocaine" Seani on behalf of (fake) South Africa: "Colombia declares that they will legalise cocaine" "Seani, why is it that every presentation you give sounds like a sales pitch?" -Stuart (instructor) Seani:"Who do we love?" Everyone else:"Margaret" 'Engineering' Film Studies "Dat sweet green gange straight from da mean streets of Kingston" - Broken Glass (Harry) "_______ , directed by Michael Bay" - Everyone "STOP SINGING THE SONG FROM MY NEIGHBOR TOTORO!" - Aoife "Totoro, Totoro... Totoro, Totoro..." Medicine "Gone are the days when we used to lock cats in cages and pump them full of STDs for the craic." - Sinead (In a debate with the vet class, in front of Colm). "I'm nauseous around women" - Thomas Finn:"I think we should lynch Aaron" Gavin:"Why?" Finn:"I don't know, because I hate Aaron" " I dont know why everyone wants to lynch me? This is bullying " - Sharon (part of the mafia) " I don't know whats going on? I'm so confused" - Aaron (part of the mafia) "Shut up Tariq" - Everyone "This can have fart consequences" - Aaron "Lampost wake up! *hahahahahaha* " - everyone Popular Fiction = Popular Fiction A = "Did I ever tell you about the time judas betrayed me; Well I was sitting outside and Judas kissed me, I said "Hey I'm not a fag." and then Judas got angry and had me arrested" "I told them to MAKE THAT CHILD. And the priest was like YEAH." "Jesus are you into BDSM?" "Crucify me like one of your crucified French girls. DIG THOSE NAILS IN DEEP." "Me and Jordyn are sharing my body!" "That was the best body of Nitai I've ever had." Atheist Jesus %%% "Its not a freaking unicorn" - Dominique "But its doge" - Louise "Don't get distracted by all the ''fine ladies at the theatre" "Writers block is like Voldemort" "You're a good person if you use index cards" - advice on writing by Declan Hughes "Moving swiftly onwards" - Claire "I will always award points for incest" - Claire %%% Keelin = '''Popular Fiction B' = Pinecone:"I'm not perfect okay?" from back row, Annie from front row in unplanned unison As Hannah Montana once said, nobody's perfect" "MADE ON RECYCLED PAPER BC APOCALYPSE AND NO TREES YHYH" Kate's newspaper Faye: "You left a bruise on my arm" Ray: "You left a bruise on my soul" Faye:"I always come out with the best quotes at two in the morning" Annie:"Faye it's 11:30" Faye:"11:30, 2 am, they're practically the same time" Faye:"Cigarettes are a symbol for people, you're extorted and used, only to be thrown to the side when others are done with you" Kate:".... Faye we were sitting in a bush when you wrote these" "We are out of milk" Annie "You can't rate your own stick" Eleanor (TA) chalk"Oh Sugarsnaps" Faye "James(Pinecone) stop making profane gestures at the walls" Eleanor (TA) "Where else am I gonna stick it?" Kevin "Is date rape drug too far?" Kevin "Boy I sure am thirsty, GOOD THING I GOT SOME BLUEBEAR SIMULATION DRINK, SUGAR FREE YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" Kevin "I might spill some juice on my Thor" Ray "I nearly jumped up my stockings" Ray "Just put it in your face" Ray "Get the cucumber in, it's easy to get in" Kevin "It looks like a love stain" Ray "You look like a great adventurer of shipping" Annie "Life advice with Nemo" Annie and Faye "Most of the time Kevin is like an excitable squirrel" Reece "Faye I have lost my Vaseline" Annie "Mebbe kk will b our evrytiem" Faye "It's a pretty good elbow" Diarmuid "Oh well, I'll have to die another day" Reece "I'm like Jesus" Annie Casino Night to Faye:"Shift him for all his money" Annie Faye:"I'd say twerking is just like squats" Kate:"Yeah, but funner" "Diarmuid covered it in green stuff........ Oh deary me" Ray "I'm never quoted"-Reece Pinecone:"If you have superpowers, someone is going to try to kill you. If you have chocolate, no one is going to try to kill you" Diarmuid:"I might" Pinecone:"Yeah, Diarmuid might" "Mammy, you don't kiss ''anyone anymore" Annie Kevin: "Eleanor, you look so princess". Diarmuid: "Kevin, am I princess?" "Praise The Twerky" Faye and Kate "I swear I'm not sticky" Faye = '''Popular Fiction C' = "Objection!" -Everyone "It was a classic example of duck, duck, Bruce" - Everyone "Are you visiting women? Don't forget your whip" - Everyone "Don't do shush" "On your way down to Spar, if you see any intellectuals, could you bring them back?" - Niall "They're not just cloning for the craic" - Lorcan "The pigeons were having a gang war outside my windowsill" - Daniel Pierce: "It is possible to work your way up from the bottom." Aidan: "Yeah, if you've got a little homicide in ye." "There's a massive demand for lives being saved as well" - Ethan "This is a little homo-erotic" - Laura "...should I be comfortable with shifting a guy?" - Brian "Thank you Stalin for my wonderful childhood" - Aoife K Ethan: "And he's a bad kisser." Lorcan: "Did Mozart tell him that?" "Throw some divorce in there!" - Aisling Niall: "What movie inspires you?" Jacqui: "Bee Movie." "'Hasty toilet', I like that." - Brian Ellie: "What are you doing tonight?" Daniel: *points at Joyce* "I have my own cattle to abuse" - Daniel "What are we doing with what little penis?" -Daniel "Jaysus, look at the legs on that table. I want to bend it over another table." - Sara "I would totally bang young Stalin" - Aisling "Mr Krabbs, yeah, that's my prostitute name" - Aidan "Too much communism for one iPod, am I right ladies?" - Jacqui Daniel: "I can't get it up." AoifeK: "There's an app for that." "STOP VIBRATING." - Daniel "I'll strip it's okay" - Aoife S AoifeK: "I bet you can't reach the projector." Lorcan: "YES I CAN." *can't* "FUCK." Ben: "Sorry Daniel, I'm just trying to get back in." Daniel: "You in?" Ben: "No, not yet." Daniel: "I can feel it in my stomach." Pop Fic C: *working in study* Laura: "Don't do anything while I'm gone." *leaves* Pop Fic C: *RUNS TO ROOM NEXT DOOR* Laura: *comes back* "FUCK" *runs away to find us Pop Fic C: *sneaks back* Laura: "GUYS." Ellie: "How many tips d'you get?" Lorcan: "Uh, like 5...oh, oh wait, you meant money." Aidan: "SCREW YOU." Joyce: "Thank you." "Look, no eyes!" - Lorcan "Oh shit, I sat on the earth" - Kate "Chopa, chopa, chopa the kids!" - Aoife S (Everyone) "Do it for the meme"- Jacqui "I was in a black cock" - Daniel Aoife K: "Pierce smile." Pierce: "I can't though." 'General Interest' RAs "Ah lads,... thats not on..."-Lord-Eamonn "You can't microwave popcorn in the hallway..." -Lord Eamonn Us to couple: "Shift! Shift! Shift!" Eamonn: "They can shift if they want to." Alice: "SHIFT! IF YOU WANT TO!" "If you're in love with your roommate, tell me" - Orla "Shut the fuck up and into your rooms before I bate ye all" - Richard "Careful now" - Richard and Eamonn "Stand clear, luggage doors operational" - Ciaran and megaphone "Any juicy goss" - Orla Student: "How do you achieve shank overdrive?" Richard: "Buy a sword." Students "Eamonn is love, Eamonn is life"-Lord-Eamonn's RA group "Our Lord Eamonn"-Jordan Murphy "Lets Microwave a Hamster"-Luke Boyle "You're wearing blue. That's a colour of the Italian flag. Lynch him!"-Caoin Forde "That's what TA stands for; Tits and Ass" - Eimear Jordan "They took my trebuchet" - Ben O'Keeffe "HI RICHARD"-Everyone Faye:"The lad I like is in Summer Scholars" Orla:"Well then get in there quick girlo" "Stop saying children dying is natural selection."-Lara to Aoife K 'In-Jokes' (In Farmleigh, looking up at the sky and being deep and meaningful in an annoying American schoolgirl accent) "OMG LOOK AT THE SKY, IT'S SO LIKE MAJESTIC AND STUFF LIKE OMG, LOOK AT THE (Suddenly puts on Dublin accent) CLOW-EDS!" -Niamh "GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL!" -Odilia and Kellie Session 2 'General Interest' RAs Students 'In-Jokes' Category:Forensic Archaeology